Charlie won't leave me long! And he's dead, how is that even possible? I know I need to go to the police with the information I have, but I can't, at least not yet. I'm still mad at him, I'm not ready to face it. I'm still mad at my dad. I can't believe how controlling he's being. I understand he doesn't want me to turn out like him, but I know what I'm doing. I don't want his future, but sometimes I need to let out some steam. I will admit that my drinking has gotten me into some difficult situations, but I'm completely stressed out! That doesn't make me an alcoholic, at least not in my eyes. The christmas party was a disaster and I now know I need to cut back, but the pain is still there. My best friend died for gosh sake, what am I suppose to do?! Charlie keeps "haunting" me. I'm in the car with James and bam! 5000 Charlies. Why? Why can't you let me do this on my own time? I'm working on getting to the point of being able to face what has happened. I'm still mad at him for ignoring me, treating me like crap, and sending me to the pet store so I could witness the terror. Honestly the list could go on and on. I know I need to face the facts and set Charlie free. I could really like James, James is a good guy, who cares about age? Why can't my dad see that? He hasn't even met him, he just assumes he's bad for me because of the age difference. I mean do we even need to talk about his love life? Mom left us and he still loves her. He won't let go and he won't face the fact that she's gone. Her clothes are still in the closet... His advice for my boy problems is to work more. Dad, I don't think thats going to help. Oh, and he got my work schedule changed so that James and I don't work together anymore. James is a good guy, honestly. On a more honest note, even after everything Charlie put me through and even after how horribly he treated me after meeting the "detention heads", I still love him. I imagine a part of me always will and thats something that is hard to face. I know I should make it right but there's so many secrets...so many questions...so many memories. I almost forgot about my vocab words, so here is me using covenant in a sentence. Charlie and I are not in covenant about when or even if I will tell the truth about that terrible night. I'm not even sure if thats right, but the sentence is true. Well it's time to shower and go to bed, I had a full day of delivering pizzas. Goodnight diary.